I am an over analyzer. An over thinker. At the wonderful age of 33 I have had plenty of time to reflect on how I react to many situations but there are still a few things that perplex me…
People have a tendency to ghost on me. I know, I know.. It happens to everyone. But I feel like it happens a little too frequently. It makes me reflect on my contribution to each situation. Am I intimidating? Are people scared to have a tough conversation with me? Do I seem emotionally fragile? Maybe they are fearful of letting me down. Ranging between guys I date who disappear and friends that just fail to respond to requests to hang out or finalize plans ghosting can happen at various levels and to varying degrees.
I recently asked two friends about booking yacht week with me this summer. This has been on the top of my bucket list for close to 5 years now. To my delight, both said they were interested. I was over the moon. Cloud 9 for two days! As I sent dates and details they both became silent. I started to sense their hesitation. Neither came back and just said “I’ve been thinking and I don’t think I can make it work”. How long is too long to wait on a confirmation? Am I crazy if I continue to inquire?
Is the answer different when it comes to a guy you are dating?
Flipping to a dating scenario that may be starting to fizzle. If I start to sense their distance, my natural reaction is to pull back. Then I think wow I am probably just being crazy, we are grown adults I will just reach out. But, distance again… I then proceed to beat myself up, withdrawal further. When he inevitably ghosts long enough that I can see the writing clearly on the wall I question if my backing away contributed in anyway!?! It’s unclear, drawn out and a little complicated.
Perhaps I should consider a different approach. I could message or call and say “Hey, so you seem a little stand off’ish lately. Is everything ok?” Hopefully I would get some reassurance, but if I don’t, I will get freedom. Freedom from an over analytical brain and freedom from worry. I would rather spend one day 100% sad than 10 days 10% sad. But hey, I am just a rip the band-aid off quickly kind of girl.
So I have a solution to seeking answers in the dating world… But Yacht Week on the other hand is still in the air. As an independent girl who is open to solo travel I get a little stuck when my travel plans rely on other people. The only option for yacht week is a booking for two! So time to pull that dating app back out… and not to find a hot new date. Onto bumble bff to advertise for a sailing buddy! Hopefully I have better luck here than I do in the dating sphere!
I heavily debated writing about dating within this blog since I intended for it to be focused on travel. On further reflection I realized that dating and travel are forever entangled in my life. I have no idea if dating will help or hinder my travels. Solo travel is amazing but sometimes lonely. Some of the best trips I have ever taken involved showing someone else a place they had never been and seeing the place through their excitement and eyes. Some of the worst trips I have been on involved travelling with a partner and realizing you don’t want to compromise and they don’t want to enjoy the trip the same way you do. I have seen so many couples forgo getaways with friends and isolate their travels to their couples retreats. Is it fair to leave your spouse at home with the kids?
I occasionally feel like settling down in a relationship will mean settling for the standard vacation each year… And I am just not ready to make that kind of commitment.